2005-08-01 - 9:49 a.m.

Hey Boo-Boo

I just returned from a long weekend at Jellystone Park with Jon, his kidlets and a friend each. It was fun, the kids kept themselves very busy with Yogi-activities, the grownups kept busy with beer drinking type activities and a good time was had by all. Jon has been doing this for years and years, with a group from this autobody association that he has been involved with since the beginning of time and one of his sisters is the executive director of. The people who go every year were very nice and made me feel welcome. There was some discussion of the STB-ex-wife, but it was not a big deal and I didn�t feel uncomfortable at all.

Jon asked me if I would like to come back with him as they all made their reservations for the next year. It made me really sad�either by this time next year, we will be married or on our way to it or not together at all�it�s been eating me up inside. I love Jon with all of my heart and vice-versa. But, as I am slowly understanding, even though I have told it to different friends time and time again (Ann), sometimes that love isn�t enough. For me to have a child, I may have to leave that behind, because Jon isn�t sure if he wants to have another child (I know I have rehashed this a million times on here but isn�t that what blogs are for?). That coupled with a couple other things that I don�t really want to get into at the moment, have left me deep, deep down in the dumps. Which is affecting my desire to have a social life and affecting my job and my outlook and my desire to get out of bed in the morning and all that jazz.

The circle of life�my sister�s best friend, Heidi Ho, had baby girl #2 last week�yeah! And my best friend�s father is dying, pretty quickly and it is breaking my heart to see her go through it. It�s so hard for her, I know other people and other friends have been through it. One of my good friends went through it with her mom a few years ago�her mom was about 25 years younger than my friend�s dad but either way, it�s still hard, very hard and almost every phone call ends up with both of us crying and I don�t know what to say besides I am so sorry. Because, it isn�t going to get better, and it�s going to be sooner than later and I just feel so bad for their family and especially her mom. How does one feel right before they lose the person that they have built a life with for 45 or so years? I can�t even imagine.

My coworker�s dad died last week, but the funeral was set for Friday and I was up at Jellystone and did not go. Then, I got an email today that the former CFO of Allied died�that�s sad. This was the guy who won the annual Allied Brewer game attendance pool, and saved the money in his file cabinet and used it to buy a party sub for a Super Bowl party�what a sweet guy.

Ok, enough gloom and doom. It�s a beautiful day in sunny Wisconsin, I am currently reading year #5 in Harry Potter land and my boyfriend comes home today and is without children tonight and is no longer groggy from painkillers, so we can have a little Jess �n Jon time. YEAH!

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