2004-06-02 - 9:04 a.m.

Hold the mayo?

Did you ever order a mayonnaise based sandwich, like egg salad, tuna or chicken salad? Well, I found out the hard way several times that you have to ask for no mayo on it, or they smear even more mayo on the bread/bun/pita/whatever the carrier is. That is gross. That is way too much mayo if you ask me�.that would be like asking if they put lettuce on your Cobb salad. Um-the salad IS lettuce based? Or how about I would like a mayonnaise sandwich, throw some tuna on it while you are at it. Light on the tuna.

This is another one that chaps my hide. I LOVE Big Macs. However, I hate thick sammiches. Like if I have a chicken breast or hamburger that is too fat, I will cut it in half horizontally, pitch half of it and put it back together. So, a regular Big Mac, while delicious is way too thick for my liking plus way too fatty, the whole guilt thing about eating something I know is super fattening gets me every time. So a couple of years ago, they had the Little Mac on the menu, which is awesome-it�s a single cheeseburger with lettuce, onions, pickles and special sauce. One layer. Perfection. I had it a couple times that month, while I probably have a Big Mac once a year because I feel too guilty. And it�s too thick. While I might have a verbally big mouth, it is actually physically very small. My teeth are the size of Chicklets. Actually, someone even used to call me Chicklet teeth.

So I went to McDonalds the next month, and ordered a Little Mac. They said that they couldn�t make me one. Sure you can I said, you have all the ingredients for it. When my sister worked at an Italian restaurant, someone came in and said �I know it�s not on the menu but I want a corned beef sandwich�. I understand why that wouldn�t fly because what Italian restaurant would have corned beef., but if they would want alfredo sauce on their ravoli, not a problem-they have the stuff to make that. So McDonald�s has all the stuff to make the Little Mac. Which I pointed out to the clerk who looked at me like I was on crack, she was standing there with her mouth open (more on that in a second). Finally she came to the reality-they don�t have the button for it. Aha. Now that makes sense to me. So I have now learned when I want a Little Mac, I order the Big Mac and take out a layer of it. Viola. Perfection on a bun.

My FSU (Former Spousal Unit) had a theory about people who go through life with their mouth open. Not while talking or eating, but just in general. People who go about life with their mouth open look stupid and if you talk to them, they might even prove your suspicions by BEING stupid. And he�s right. Next time you are in line at Walmart or the gas station, take a look around. There are bound to be a couple of folks who stand there, slack jawed, waiting for life to bite them in the ass. Kurt always used to say (not to their face but to me) �hey shut your mouth, you look stupid, pal� and it always made me laugh. Because for once, he was absolutely right. Check it out, report back.

I think that I have something resembling a date tonight. I shall report back�.I haven�t been on a date in about 3 weeks so hopefully I will be able to remember how. For once, I am actually looking forward to it. We take that as a positive sign.

Have a great Wednesday!

Jess

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