2004-04-15 - 10:24 a.m.

I was telling my friend Ann last night about my newfound voice, my blog. I was worried that I would quickly run out of things to say. So, we came up with a good list in about 30 seconds should I run short of material down the road. No need for the fallback plan yet though--the mall provides.

Yesterday, we were at the mall. I had a coupon for a free pair of Angels matte panties at Victoria's Secret. Even though I worked there for almost 3 years, I think I finally figured out the Secret--"treat the customers like they are idiots and they will still gladly pay $38 for a bra that the underwire will pop out of after 3 or 4 months if you wear over a size B cup." I am sure that's the case, although it's probably not in their executive handbook or their value proposition or their mission statement.

So I go to get my free pair of bikini, string bikini, thong or tanga, in my choice of nude, ivory, white or black. The only thing that they have in my size in the color choices I was offered is the tanga, aka the Brazilian. I am not familiar with the underwear of Brazil, nor do I sport the appropriate wax job to match. I think that, combined with my ample hips and booty does not make make a suitable candidate for wearing the Brazilian Click here to go to see the lovely Brazilian (tanga that is�) They had several very cool color choices of the bikini and string bikini in my advanced size but not in the free color choices so the Vicky worker didn�t know what to do. She went and got another Vicky worker who I assumed to be the manager. After re-explaining my entire dilemma, she said oh, I can�t do anything for you, let me get a manager. So we traveled to the counter where 5 Vickyettes were milling about doing nothing. The manager then asks what the problem is, I re-explain a third time. So we go back to the Angels panty department and she wants to know if we looked to see if they have them in my size in the colors offered. Nah, we haven�t even looked-thought I would just interrupt your standing around with the other 4 WIB (Women in Black) for shits and grins. Well, she isn�t sure what to do, and I decline the third offer that the Brazilian is extremely comfortable and Vicky #1, who is even more hipperiffic than I, says that the Brazilian is all she wears. Good for you, Oh Disciple of Vicky, but let me tell you Jessie�s Secret � although this style may have a heavenly fit, I don�t think I need my ass fat and my stomach fat and my hip fat all hanging out the top AND bottom of my underwear. The word tanga must be Brazilian for �we are now able to combine the unflattering low-rise panty so your heavenly love handles are plainly visible along with the discomfort of the thong because your butt is also going to ooze out the bottom as these babies are only 2� wide�. Wow, that is some savvy marketing. The long and short of it is that if I want a bikini type item in nude, ivory, white or black, I now have to return to Victoria�s Secret before April 26th as they do get constant shipments. The part that really irritates me was that I asked if I could get a different color (mulberry, clear blue, Victoria blue, anything else) and the manager said no. And then walked away.

Yes, I was surprised too--Victoria�s Manager doesn�t care about my ass fat hanging out OR my free panty. Rats. I thought she would have at least apologized for the inconvenience or offered to call me when my freebie comes in. Doesn�t she know that I am a gold card carrying member of Victoria�s Credit Card Posse with a zero balance? For all she knows, I could be ready to max out my $1300 credit limit on overpriced fragrance, sleepwear and lingerie. Maybe I need a new merrywidow. (ok, I just like saying merrywidow, that word always makes me laugh).

Well I am now getting off of my Victoria�s Soapbox. Tomorrow, there may be an exciting summary of dinner with B3�if he comes through. He did leave me a message last night stating for the second time that he would like to buy me dinner AND drinks. Yes, there is nothing like sucking down free drinks to lure me to drive to Kenosha. (damn, I wish there was a Sarcasm font).

I guess I have more to say than I thought�who knew?

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